Melvin Feller MA Looks at Why being Right is not always the Most Important Thing in a Texas Business?
Melvin Feller MA Looks at Why being Right is not always the Most Important Thing in a Texas Business?
Melvin
Feller is known as “The Entrepreneur’s Mentor” because Melvin walks his
talk. Melvin Feller has been there and done that and more importantly,
Melvin Feller knows how to transfer the skill set for success. This is
main reason that he has been the sought after coach to hundreds of small
business owners, entrepreneurs, Realtors, Real estate investors and
service professional internationally. Melvin Feller’s main talent is to
show you how the step by step process to build and enjoy a successful
6-figure plus business while having a balanced life. Melvin Feller is currently pursuing another graduate degree as an MBA.
You
are a human and so am I. There is no argument there. The sky is blue
and the grass is green. There is no argument there either. After all,
they are FACTS, and we are all in agreement with them. However, why do
so many of us have a need to ‘right’ regarding OPINIONS? Another driver
cutting him off outrages a man driving in LA. In his opinion, the driver
who cut him off is unbearably rude. “I’ll show him,” he thinks, as he
now tries to cut off the ‘rude’ driver. This incident explodes into a
full-blown case of road rage, which leads to an accident and the death
of the outraged driver. He might have been ‘right,’ but now he is dead
right. Does it make any sense to fight to the death over an opinion?
Besides, how could the dead driver be ‘right’ when his behavior was
wrong?
An
obsessive need to be ‘right’ is irrational, but, sadly, very common.
For instance, what makes one believe that our neighbors are incompetent
to think for themselves and need to be ‘saved’ by our own brand of
religion? In addition, if they refuse to recognize our merciful God, we
can always kill them! It is like an anti-abortionist who preaches about
the sanctity of life and then murders a doctor who performs abortions.
Why do we kill one another for having different opinions?
Some
of us get easily upset in the workplace. We insist that others do
things the ‘right’ (our) way. Yet, isn’t it more important to do the
right thing than do things right? The high divorce rate suggests that
married life is another arena for the clash of opinion. Something as
trivial as how one’s spouse s squeezes the tube of toothpaste is enough
to cause anger in some people.
Quick,
answer this question. What is the ‘right’ way to squeeze a tube of
toothpaste? From the middle or from the end of the tube? Well, half of
those who were surveyed in a university study answered, “From the
middle,” and the other half said, “From the end of the tube.” Therefore,
no matter which opinion you hold, you were not ‘right’ in the mind of
half of those surveyed. Can you see how ludicrous, how irrational, it is
to demand that others share our opinions?
There
are many reasons to give up our addiction to being ‘right.’ First,
consider what we are doing when we make pronouncements that you are
either for me or against me, or that it’s my way or the highway, or that
I’m ‘right ’ and you’re ‘wrong.’ Aren’t we being arrogant, combative,
self-righteous, presumptuous, judgmental, narrow-minded, and alienating?
Aren’t such attitudes divisive and dysfunctional? Don’t they disrupt
harmony and peace and lead to conflict and suffering?
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When
I insist that I am ‘right,’ I slam the door of my mind. I remain locked
in past beliefs. I stop growing. I have a shallow understanding of the
world and limited choice. However, if I change my focus from what IS
‘RIGHT’ to what IS something magical happens. The moment I accept the
fact that others have different views and willingly consider them,
rather than fight them, I am transformed. Transformed from a prisoner to
an adventurer and explorer. By opening myself to all ideas, I open my
life to infinite possibilities. In addition, on that day, I discover
what it is to be rich.
To
be dead right is to be dead. To be cut off from the limitless wealth of
life. It is also to be unhappy. For it is impossible to control the
thoughts and opinions in the minds of others. So, when they fail to live
up to our demand for agreement, we feel frustrated and disappointed.
Does it make any sense to follow the road to unhappiness?
If
the demand to be ‘right’ is self-defeating, why do we engage in it? One
reason is the discomfort of uncertainty. Living in a world of
uncertainty makes some feel like the earth is crumbling beneath their
feet. There is no stability, nothing to hang on to (except their
opinions and beliefs). Yet, when we change our perspective and think of
uncertainty as surprise, wonder, awe, growth, opportunity, and delight,
we can embrace it. Another reason for tenaciously clinging to our
opinions is the fear that changing them would lead to the loss of our
identity.
However,
we are not our opinions. We are people who hold opinions and can let
them go if we choose to. When we learn from others, we do not lose our
identity; we expand, enhance, and enrich it. A third reason for wanting
to be ‘right’ is low self-esteem. Some need to show off their
‘superiority’ to compensate for their feelings of inferiority. They are
afraid of appearing stupid and need the approval of others.
Nevertheless, the way to grow superior is by opening one’s mind, not by
closing it.
To
awaken from the delusion that our opinion is the only ‘right’ one, all
one has to do is study history and the evolution of science. For when we
do, we will quickly learn that we are fallible creatures. Even the
brightest minds changed their opinions on innumerable occasions. In
fact, that is how they grew so bright, by integrating opinions that at
first appeared diametrically opposed. In addition, by willingly adding
the opinions of others to their own. They were not afraid of accepting
new ideas and making mistakes.
Here
is how Lewis Thomas (1913 ~ 1993) explains it in his book THE MEDUSA
AND THE SNAIL, “Mistakes are at the very base of human thought, embedded
there, feeding the structure like root nodules. If we were not provided
with the knack for being wrong, we could never get anything useful
done. We think our way along by choosing between right and wrong
alternatives, and the wrong choices have to be made as often as the
right ones. We get along in life this way.”
When
the populace of a certain village were evenly divided on the ‘right’
way to punish a disobedient child, they decided to seek council with the
village elder. The representative for Opinion A gave his view to the
elder. As the others listened in silence, the elder spoke, “You are
right.”
While
maintaining his decorum, but visibly upset, the representative for
Opinion B said, “But Wise One, you have given your counsel before
hearing from me!” He then shared his opinion with the elder. After
listening to it, the Wise One said, “You are right.”
“But, Honorable One,” protested another villager, “you have just agreed with two opposing viewpoints!”
The Wise One turned his way and said, “You are right.”
We
can never be right until we realize everyone is right. The truth is
owned by none and shared by all. Whether you agree with this or not,
“You are right.”
That
is the great thing about business. We canal agree and if we do not we
start a way to create something for people that require something
different!
Melvin Feller MA Texas and Oklahoma.
Melvin Feller founded Melvin Feller Business Group and Melvin Feller
Ministries in the 1970s to help individuals and organizations achieve
their specific Victory. Victory as defined by the individual or
organization are achieving strategic objectives, exceeding goals,
getting results or desired outcomes and a positive outreach with grace
and as a ministries. He has extensive experience assisting businesses
achieve top and bottom line results. He has broad practical experience
creating WINNERS in many organizations and industries. He has hands-on
experience in executive leadership, operations, logistics, sales,
program management, organizational development, training, and customer
service. He has coached teams to achieve results in strategic planning,
business development, organizational design, sales, and customer
response and business process improvement. He has prepared and presented
many workshops nationally and internationally.
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