Setbacks-Bad Decisions, Job Loss, Divorce, and - or Health Problems by Melvin Feller
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| Melvin Feller |
Minor setbacks throw us off for a few hours but others are much more momentous and really throw us in a tailspin. While we will all experience roadblocks, we will vary in how we handle them. Some of us have the resilience to just pick up the pieces and travel on. Others find it challenging to let go. Either way, how do we learn from the tough times?
At the outset, we will all undoubtedly experience typical feelings of frustration, sadness, disappointment or anger. How we handle those feelings differentiates us from each other. In other words, how do we redirect on what happened and gain a greater sense of self-awareness? We need to think about and learn from what the hard times taught us about ourselves in order to move forward.
Although setbacks, roadblocks, and defeats are all obstacles standing between where you are now and where you want to be, each one represents a different level of challenge. Here is how I would break that down.
Setbacks are usually relatively minor–“hiccups,” really, in that they do not actually stop you. They are more like speed bumps–they simply slow you down. Think of them as a difficulty that makes your progress harder or success less likely.
Roadblocks are obstacles that do a little bit more than just slow you down. They are more like tarpaper. They actually threaten to make you stuck. They are something that impedes your progress or prevents you from accomplishing something.
Again, you can bounce back from these types of issues, but it is going to take some time and a lot of effort.
Defeats are the greatest and most problematic of all setbacks and roadblocks, the life-changers that can force you to do a complete 180 and wonder, “What the heck am I going to do now?” These are total knockouts. Not only are you on your back, but you are down for the count.
The good newsflash is, no matter which one you face, a setback, roadblock, or defeat; you do not have to raise your hand and surrender. Think about how you typically respond to these different types of obstacles: What is your normal reaction?
When face to face with a career-related obstacle, some people cast blame on people or things. They point to all the reasons or circumstances that “put” them where they are.
Another normal response to a setback, roadblock, or defeat is anger, as you have just been unjustly convicted of a murder you did not commit. You might feel a little frustrated or sad because you let yourself or others down, or because you are not quite where you wanted to be at this point in your life. Moreover, depending on the size of the consequence you face, you might be scared about what lies ahead.
While all of these responses are “normal,” if this is how you react, you are actually hurting yourself.
None of these negative reactions, feelings, or responses will help you get wherever it is you want to go. Worse yet, they can even stop you dead in your tracks.
A 2010 University of Miami study found that people in depressed states (which is where we tend to be when facing a career-related obstacle, no matter how big or small) who are not able to get over the obstacles in their lives were “more likely to ruminate on their troubles.” They were caught up in their despair like debris in a tornado, going around and around and using lots of energy but not really getting anywhere.
Every successful person, the ones we tend to look to for inspiration in our own lives, has faced their fair share of setbacks before, during, and after achieving something great.
Steve Jobs’ story is familiar to many others. He cofounded Apple, which was Macintosh at the time, at the age of 21, becoming a millionaire within two short years. A few years after that, after having a disagreement with the company’s cofounder, the board decided to remove him from his position at Apple, essentially firing him from the company he helped create.
This led to a midlife crisis in which Jobs thought of all his other career options, which led him to create two more companies that are successful before returning to Apple, which was floundering after he left. Therefore, even though he once found himself without a job, he was able to turn things around and lead Apple to its position as a leading global tech firm.
Another example is Mark Cuban, who worked at a bank when he was 22 and decided that he wanted to show his entrepreneurial side by sending “notes” to the CEO about how he could save the bank money, even taking it upon himself to write a company newsletter. Although he thought he was doing a good thing, Cuban’s boss did not quite feel the same, eventually calling him into his office asking him not so nicely whom he thought he was.
Cuban ultimately left that job and moved in with friends, where he slept on the floor while working as a bartender. Sometime after that, he was hired by a PC software company, earning a good salary and commission until he was fired.
Nevertheless, Cuban did not let that stop him, and now he owns Landmark Theatres, Magnolia Pictures, the Dallas Mavericks, and many other companies he has collaborated with through Shark Tank. Overall, his net worth is now over $3 billion.
The point is that you, too, can overcome whatever obstacles are in your way. Moreover, you can even find yourself in a better place. All you have to do is develop the right strategies. First, you need to realize something very important:
You need both the peaks and the valleys in order to keep moving forward. The ups remind you where you want to go, and the downs push you to get there.
In other words, think about what you have under your own control. If you failed due to a lack of knowledge or skills, take a course or do some more reading to gain additional skills to position yourself for success in the future. Strategize about your plans for moving forward. How will you address the setbacks or obstacles?
Be flexible and open-minded to trying new approaches. Some leaders become inflexible and cautious after a failure. This is generally not a good idea. Taking risks is a leader’s job and it is necessary for success. Do not insulate yourself or be fearful of making decisions.
Be sure to keep a positive outlook at work, no matter how hard this may be. This is especially important if you are a leader. If your team has just been taken off an important project and everyone is scared about his or her jobs, you need to demonstrate a positive attitude. They will look to you for guidance. Your calm demeanor will be critical to helping the team move forward.
Therefore, keep a learning journal as a way of reflecting on your progress and remembering what to do and not to do in the future. I have coached numerous executives who keep notes and look back on them monthly just as a way of keeping themselves on a path forward and not repeating the same mistakes.
While setbacks and obstacles can derail us, they also are opportunities to look at a problem from a new angle or reach out ask for help from a trusted colleague. They can force us to learn, and build confidence in our abilities and judgment.
Many professional and personal break-through were ONLY achieved after people took a risk, hit a roadblock, regrouped and moved forward. Persevering through setbacks can allow you and your business to continue to grow.
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