Melvin Feller Looks at Self Sabotage and Why it Happens

Melvin Feller Looks at Self Sabotage and Why it Happens

Melvin Feller Business Group in Burkburnett Ministries and Dallas Texas and Lawton Oklahoma. Our mission is to call and equip a generation of Christian entrepreneurs to do business as ministry. We provide workshops and resources that help companies discover how to do business God’s way and provide a positive outreach as the director. When the heart of a business is service rather than self it can be transformed into a fruitful business ministry earning a profit and being of service to the community and their customers. Melvin Feller is currently pursuing another graduate degree in business organizations.

Self-Sabotage and Why it Happens by Melvin Feller

In this article, I look at a strange but common kind of behavior called self-sabotage and consider why you may do it. We also look at common symptoms that show you are doing this and then consider the most important question of all “What can you do about it?”
You have heard the saying “You are your own worst enemy” and do you sometimes feel that? I know

I have certainly experienced that feeling. Why is it that you can really want to be successful and happy and bring good things into your life but at the same time behave in a way that stops you getting what you want? What is behind self-sabotage and why exactly do we sometimes do things contrary to what we want?

Self-Sabotage and Why it Happens By Melvin Feller

I read an interesting article last week written by Mike Bundrant about this miserable Great Human Glitch as he calls it. He also asks the question why we behave in ways that prevent us from getting what we desire and that make us unhappy, the opposite of what we truly want. He does not really have an answer though and just declares that it must be programmed into us by

God to make us miserable. I do not agree with that at all. We cannot blame God and we should take responsibility for our own behavior and thinking which causes our behavior. It is your responsibility to ask yourself this question: “Why do I sabotage my own efforts at getting what I want so that I remain unhappy?”

Self-Sabotage and Why it Happens by Melvin Feller

You are unique and the answer to why you sabotage yourself may be different from other people’s reasons, but you need to know and once you do. How do you free yourself of this “glitch” and start supporting yourself as a friend rather than your own worst enemy?

I do not agree that God has implanted this into our nature. I believe that self-sabotage comes from the same place that all negative behaviors do — your mind. Either your thinking supports you in your goals or it opposes you. Negative thinking creates negative behaviors like self-sabotage. Having said that I will help you to answer the question by giving you a few reasons why so many do this to themselves.

Ok, here we go — these are some of the most common causes behind self-sabotage. Which one affects you?

Common Causes of Self-Sabotage

Self-Sabotage and Why it Happens by Melvin Feller

The failure that you know is more familiar than the possibility of success. This means that although you want to be successful you are scared of what is necessary to achieve that success or what it will mean if you succeed. This fear of success may be hidden well so you may not be aware that you suffer from this. If you do then your behavior will stop you from taking the right steps towards getting what you want. One of the biggest fears here is of change. Why is change so scary? The unknown factor makes you worry about what might happen. If negativity gets hold, you will begin to think that change will be bad for you and choose to stay where you are. Self-sabotage usually happens when you do not really know that you have this fear but subconsciously the fear makes you work against your goals so that you do not change anything.

Probably the most common reason why you may sabotage your own plans to be happy is that deep down you feel undeserving or unworthy of the good things that might happen to you. This is a very bad thing because you will never succeed in life if you feel you do not deserve to be happy or successful. The reason you feel unworthy may be your self-image. This is how you see yourself.

Some people see themselves as victims. If you hold a certain image of yourself, which is negative, then you may act to prove yourself correct. For example, someone who has been abused may believe they are a victim, which they are, but if life continues in a negative fashion, they may begin to believe that in some way they are always going to be a victim and even worse, deserve to be a victim because they were told something that they now believe about themselves.

Self-Sabotage and Why it Happens by Melvin Feller

Your self-talk — following on from above you may tell yourself things like “I’ll never be a success” or “I am not attractive enough” or any one of a thousand other negative things. After a while, you believe what you tell yourself and even if it is not true, you behave that way. In this sense, you become what you believe you are. Negative self-talk holds you back and promotes self-sabotage. If you tell yourself “you don’t deserve to be loved” then you will act in a way that stops you from getting what you want — love. If you tell yourself, “I’ll never be happy” then you will keep doing things to justify what you have told yourself.

Of course, low self-esteem is often at the heart of this problem. This is why you may feel undeserving or unworthy of the good things that you say you want with all your heart. If you lack self-esteem then you easily fall into negative thinking and behavior that stops you improving things.

Self-Sabotage and Why it Happens by Melvin Feller

Lack of self-confidence causes self-sabotage because if you fail to believe you can do something then you will be filled with the fear of possible failure and stop yourself from even trying to take positive steps to change your life. Low confidence can also cause you to become too self-conscious and focus on yourself in social situations.

You may see the pattern above. There are many factors all connected together that set you up to be your own worst enemy. The Glitch, if there is any, in my opinion, is that we tend to believe the negative and doubt the positive. The Glitch in your brain may mean that you have to put in some work to become more positive rather than take the easy road and give in to your negative feelings and thoughts.

Self-Sabotage and Why it Happens by Melvin Feller

The Most Common Symptoms

What are the signs and symptoms that you are sabotaging yourself? You need to think about this because at times you may not even be aware that you are doing this. The very nature of this beast is that you may think that the reason you are not happy or successful (or whatever it is you want), is down to the fact that your belief about yourself are true and that you should just accept this. I hope you want to change this! So here are some symptoms, do you recognize any in yourself?

Using words like “should” or “I can’t”

Suffering from a conflict inside with your hopes and desires battling against your failure to change anything.

Low self-esteem because you feel powerless to achieve what you want
Feeling that no matter what you try you just cannot succeed

Self-Sabotage and Why it Happens by Mel Feller

Procrastination is a very big problem and serves to keep you where you are. Do you put things off all the time and then try to justify that to yourself?
Frustration
Depression
Putting yourself down and telling yourself “I’m not good enough”
Acting in ways that put the good things in your life at risk.
Seeking or remaining trapped in an abusive relationship
Being angry with yourself

Self-Sabotage and Why it Happens by Melvin Feller

Perfectionism — wanting everything to be perfect and holding very high standards can paralyze you into doing nothing and never being happy with any action you do take. This kills your motivation too.
These are just a few of the main symptoms that you are sabotaging your future and your happiness. Most of the time we do not understand we are doing this. You may blame everything and everyone for what is happening or not happening to you. Try looking at your responsibility for what is in your life right now.

Improving Things

So what can you do to put things right and start helping yourself, start being a friend to yourself instead of sabotaging your happiness?
The first thing is to understand your problem and I hope I have helped you with that. Next step would be to change the words you use and start telling yourself good things. Make statements like “I deserve to…” and “I can…”

Self-Sabotage and Why it Happens by Melvin Feller

These are affirmations and you need to repeat them often. Work on improving your self-esteem and stop trying to please others. Start thinking about what the possibilities might be if you succeeded and start using visualizations to see yourself as a success. You will soon leave your self-doubt behind and begin to believe you deserve better. Read this page about how to use visualizations and achieve your goals and without allowing fear to control you.

It is very important for you to start learning to trust yourself and make decisions to move forward with confidence so fill your mind with inspirational quotes that pick you up and give you the push you need. Here is a great page filled with inspirational quotes.

Self-Sabotage and Why it Happens by Melvin Feller

However, the most important step you need to take is to face any fear or self-doubt, go ahead, and take action, positive action. Remember to be clear about what you want and break it down into easy manageable steps and take each one then see what happens. I am not saying that any of this is easy. It is not, it requires you to work on your attitude and your thinking and to change. However, if you believe in yourself, you can do anything you want. Happiness will come if you expect it.

Melvin Feller Business Consultant, Business Owner, Burkburnett ministries and Graduate Student Candidate in Business Organization

Melvin Feller Business Consultants Ministries Group in Texas and Oklahoma. Melvin Feller founded Melvin Feller Business Consultants Group and Burkburnett Ministries in the 1970s to help individuals and organizations achieve their specific Victory. Victory as defined by the individual or organization are achieving strategic objectives, exceeding goals, getting results or desired outcomes and a positive outreach with grace and as a ministries. He has extensive experience assisting businesses achieve top and bottom line results. He has broad practical experience creating WINNERS in many organizations and industries. He has hands-on experience in executive leadership, operations, logistics, sales, program management, organizational development, training, and customer service. He has coached teams to achieve results in strategic planning, business development, organizational design, sales, and customer response and business process improvement. He has prepared and presented many workshops nationally and internationally.